We all scream for ice cream

since it's summer I figured I'd give a few tips on how not to piss off ice cream parlor workers, which in the end assures you of getting the best service (and avoid getting crusty toppings and old freezer burned ice cream)
- don't nag about fat or calories. you're going to get goddamn ice cream if you want fat free get piece of ice and hey, maybe go crazy and put a drop of vanilla extract
- don't pick the hardest ice cream to scoop. and going off that don't pick the ice cream that is practically empty and all frozen on the bottom. it wont even taste good.
- if you don't know what you want, don't get on line. it wastes everyone's time
- know what the hell you're ordering. don't get all pissy when you don't get what you want if haven't specified. if you say, put whatever you want on a sundae, you damn well better mean it.
- if you want your ice cream to go, say it when you order it. making the attendant run back and forth for a cover is a pain in the ass and wastes time.
- if you're gonna taste every flavor ice cream, buy a goddamn scoop after it.
- times are changing and yes, prices are rising. don't argue with the person scooping your ice cream, they don't set the prices.

that being said, have a great summer and enjoy your milkshakes and sundaes

Be careful what you say, lady.

I work as a security officer at one of New England's three (is it three?) amusement parks. The other day, I was working at the entrance to the park, and a woman tried to bring in a can of mace and a switchblade knife -- neither of which are allowed in the park for obvious reasons. I start explaining to her that the two objects can't come into the park, but that she can return them to her vehicle and re-enter the park no problem. She starts yelling and swearing at me, saying that she should be able to just leave both of them someplace and pick them up later. I begin explaining to her that such a thing would mean allowing not one but two weapons into the park which, again, is not allowed. The woman gets in my face and says, "What are you, blonde? I HEARD you!" Well, CLEARLY you didn't, because a) you're still trying to argue your way into bringing two weapons onto the premises and b) you're screaming at the last person you want to be screaming at -- swearing is ALSO not allowed in the park, so I could have gotten your ass kicked out for the day right then and there. Instead of arguing back, I called over a supervisor to deal with it, because I was dangerously close (especially after the blonde comment) to telling this woman off and subsequently losing my job.

P.S. Lady -- YOU are blonde. Way to put yourself down. And I don't give a shit how far away you're parked, no officer is going to make an exception for you, especially after you bitched the way you did.

A letter to...

Every person who smokes a cigarette while walking up/down Orchard Hill. Somehow I always wind up walking behind them. As if it wasn't bad enough being a non-smoker and getting stuck walking near one on a FLAT surface. I have a personal problem with these people because I have a slight asthma problem. You guys suck.

And to the girls still wearing leggings: They're not warm enough to wear in these temperatures, and we can STILL see every bit of cellulite in those thighs of yours. Put on some damn pants and waterproof boots and live like you're supposed to in New England in the wintertime. Jeez.

And to the guy down the hall who can't pick a favorite football team: Turn your music down, this isn't a European night club.

Merry Sickmas

It's Christmas and I'm sick and I hate it. When I woke up this morning my voice was gone, my throat was sore, and my body was exhausted because I hadn't slept enough. Not even Nyquil is giving me a decent night's sleep! Screw this!

So, it's 10:43 and I'm awake, my parents are awake, but the two of my brothers who live here, Sam and Tiger, are not awake. We're letting them sleep until noon before we begin our Christmas. It's annoying to me that even though I'm 20 and the stuff I really look forward to is just decorating the tree and having a nice family dinner, I still wake up at 7 every Christmas and get excited to go open presents. There's one box under the tree and it's for Tiger. I wrapped it myself. There's another box hiding someplace, also for Tiger, with something wildly expensive in it. I already know how it's going to go. We'll start waking them up at the crack of noon, they'll actually come downstairs between 12:15 and 12:30. We'll all sit in the TV room on the couch and chairs while Dad comes in and gives us our stockings, overflowing with toilet paper (what?), peanuts, shaving razors, some kind of chocolate and possibly a bar of soap. We'll either migrate to the living room, where the tree is, and open our presents there or stay in the TV room while Dad brings them to us. The process will take about 15 minutes. Then we'll get a trash bag for the wrapping paper and eat the breakfast that Dad's been making since this morning. That's what I'm really excited for right now: hot pancakes and syrup and a giant mug full of tea (for the throat). Then one of two things will happen: either we'll all be antisocial for the day playing with our new toys (this is what I envision Tiger doing today, because he's getting the most expensive and most useful gift [I'll come right out with it, since he'll be unconscious for another hour and a half and there's a 0% chance he'll read this] [it's a keyboard]) or we'll all be in the TV room being fat and watching "A Christmas Story" and "Twilight Zone" all day, until dinnertime.

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Enjoy your December 25th.

The only problem I had with my Bio final

I don't know how to study.

I've never been able to do it effectively and I don't test well anyways. I can put together an awesome project or something, but tests never go well. I'm a visual learner. Today, I thought it might change. I've been going over and over my Bio notes for the last couple of days and spent hours answering everything that was on the study guide. I felt like I knew the material really well so I went into the exam with confidence.

Then there were a bunch of questions about things that not only weren't on the study guide, but which were also not covered (and if they were, it was done minimally) during lectures. Shit.

Well, it's all over now. For me, the semester is over. And now, pajamas.

On Finals Week.

Because it's Tuesday, we have to announce who the twin of the week is. Usually Shawn and I make the decision, but we haven't really discussed it since it's finals week and the last couple of days have been really busy. But who to pick?

I'm sitting next to Steph right now. She's doing the good friend thing and helping a friend study for her Latin final. So there's a point for Steph. Amanda went to Pita Pit with me the yesterday, and we got frozen yogurt too, so there's a point for Amanda.

What do we do when the twins are tied?

I pick Amanda. Because she turned me onto the fat free CHOCOLATE frozen yogurt at the Blue Wall. It was delicious and you can get a shitload of ice creams using one YCMP swipe. I've never realy eaten at Blue Wall up until about two weeks ago so I'm still excited by its majesty.

Congratulations Amanda! Second week in a row. Go you!

On the first real snow of the season

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Uggs are not waterproof and are not meant to be worn as a winter boot. The same goes with Ugg slippers (cough, girl trudging through the Baker courtyard this morning) and any other boot that is made of fabric or dead animal. You can ruin your Uggs by spraying them with waterproofing. But it's really not worth it, unless you're down to spend another $120+ on a new pair in a few weeks, after the waterproofing effectively destroys the lambskin (you know, the stuff that used to belong to an adorable little lamb back in the day, before your order deemed it to die).

Twin of the week 12/8

Due to a hilarious story that we can't repeat, Amanda is the twin of the week this week. Go Amanda!

Twin of the week 12/1

Congratulations to Steph, our Twin Of The Week! She beat out Amanda because Amanda was dressed like a fool.

Dear E news: stop calling

Dear E news:
stop calling rhianna rhi rhi. it so dumb.

Why vampires aren't sexy

They kill you.
Original vampires, the ones people think are real and also come from legends, don't even have fangs.
They're the living dead and therefore share some characteristics with zombies, which, in case you weren't already aware, also kill you.
They don't only go after people. They also go after animals such as cattle. They're not craving your blood specifically. To them, you're just as good as your neighbor's goat.
They have to dig themselves out of their graves to go do their murderous blood-sucking. Therefore, they are filthy and probably stink (even more than they already do, since they're dead).
Due to the fact that they're dead, they very likely have HORRIBLE breath, which would undoubtedly make kissing them (you know you want to) terribly unpleasant. Nevermind the fact that they probably have no sex drive. BECAUSE THEY ARE DEAD.
There are some legends of female vampires that prefer not to suck your blood, but to eat your innards. Specifically, they eat the fetuses out of pregnant women. Oh, that's hot. (These varieties of vampires also eat phlegm. Yes, they are booger-eaters. ["The mucus queen is all yours."])

Give it up.

Also, Robert Pattison has a weird face.

Im trying to understanf why

Im trying to understanf why you would wear ugg boots in the rain.

Classroom Etiquette

Here are some rules for students out there about how to be a student:

1. If you are using you computer for notes try not to look at ridiculous things (such as S Club 7 music videos on YouTube, you know who you are girl in my history class) that may be distracting to me and my fellow notebook note takers.

2. If the professor is using power point, and those lectures are posted online, DO NOT TELL THEM TO GO BACK! SCREW YOU BUDDY SUCKS YOU CANT WRITE FAST ENOUGH. Here's a hint: don't write every word down because guess what ? ITS ALL ONLINE! I find this to be extra annoying in large gen ed all freshman classes. So, freshman, get with it, professors will hate you if you keep up this annoying behavior.

3. If you come in late, use the doors at the back if you can. And don't walk in front of the professor. This applies if you leave early as well. When arriving late, if there are no seats on or near the end of the rows, don't walk in front of everyone and scoot your way to the middle. Sit in the aisle or in the back. Its your fault for being late so you can deal.

4. Last but not least, refrain from talking so much to you friends, unless you are me and you are sitting in polisci 101, which sucks so its OK.

If, you follow all of these simple rules you will inevitably succeed. And people wont hate you enough to make a blog dedicated to complaining about you.

A letter to...

To the girl in my education class who thinks I don't see her,

I see you over there, finger in nose, eyes nervously darting around the room, hoping that nobody sees the golden nugget you're trying so desperately to extract from your left nostril. Take it to the bathroom. Shove it in some toilet paper and throw it away. I know you're just going to stick it to the bottom of your desk. And one day, maybe a year from now, some other student is going to sit in that very desk and the top of their hand is going to graze the underside of the desk and feel the crusty remains of mucous past come undone and they will look at their hand, booger and all, horrified, and clean up your mess for you. It's gross. Don't be a jerk.

And ...

I'm a loud sneezer. Tonight I was in my room doing homework and I had one of my loud sneezes. Somebody across the hall yelled "bless you!" So thanks guy.