We all scream for ice cream

since it's summer I figured I'd give a few tips on how not to piss off ice cream parlor workers, which in the end assures you of getting the best service (and avoid getting crusty toppings and old freezer burned ice cream)
- don't nag about fat or calories. you're going to get goddamn ice cream if you want fat free get piece of ice and hey, maybe go crazy and put a drop of vanilla extract
- don't pick the hardest ice cream to scoop. and going off that don't pick the ice cream that is practically empty and all frozen on the bottom. it wont even taste good.
- if you don't know what you want, don't get on line. it wastes everyone's time
- know what the hell you're ordering. don't get all pissy when you don't get what you want if haven't specified. if you say, put whatever you want on a sundae, you damn well better mean it.
- if you want your ice cream to go, say it when you order it. making the attendant run back and forth for a cover is a pain in the ass and wastes time.
- if you're gonna taste every flavor ice cream, buy a goddamn scoop after it.
- times are changing and yes, prices are rising. don't argue with the person scooping your ice cream, they don't set the prices.

that being said, have a great summer and enjoy your milkshakes and sundaes

Be careful what you say, lady.

I work as a security officer at one of New England's three (is it three?) amusement parks. The other day, I was working at the entrance to the park, and a woman tried to bring in a can of mace and a switchblade knife -- neither of which are allowed in the park for obvious reasons. I start explaining to her that the two objects can't come into the park, but that she can return them to her vehicle and re-enter the park no problem. She starts yelling and swearing at me, saying that she should be able to just leave both of them someplace and pick them up later. I begin explaining to her that such a thing would mean allowing not one but two weapons into the park which, again, is not allowed. The woman gets in my face and says, "What are you, blonde? I HEARD you!" Well, CLEARLY you didn't, because a) you're still trying to argue your way into bringing two weapons onto the premises and b) you're screaming at the last person you want to be screaming at -- swearing is ALSO not allowed in the park, so I could have gotten your ass kicked out for the day right then and there. Instead of arguing back, I called over a supervisor to deal with it, because I was dangerously close (especially after the blonde comment) to telling this woman off and subsequently losing my job.

P.S. Lady -- YOU are blonde. Way to put yourself down. And I don't give a shit how far away you're parked, no officer is going to make an exception for you, especially after you bitched the way you did.

A letter to...

Every person who smokes a cigarette while walking up/down Orchard Hill. Somehow I always wind up walking behind them. As if it wasn't bad enough being a non-smoker and getting stuck walking near one on a FLAT surface. I have a personal problem with these people because I have a slight asthma problem. You guys suck.

And to the girls still wearing leggings: They're not warm enough to wear in these temperatures, and we can STILL see every bit of cellulite in those thighs of yours. Put on some damn pants and waterproof boots and live like you're supposed to in New England in the wintertime. Jeez.

And to the guy down the hall who can't pick a favorite football team: Turn your music down, this isn't a European night club.